The Relational Parenting Podcast

Jennie (00:02.39)
Awesome. Everybody's recording. Alrighty. Welcome back everybody to the Relational Parenting Podcast. I'm here today with Rob Roady, who is a fellow Coloradan with me and a single father and a coach for single fathers. Hi, Rob. How you doing?

Rob Rohde (00:25.727)
Hi, Jenny. I am well. I am excited to be here and jump into this conversation with you.

Jennie (00:29.318)
Awesome. Me too. I think that I've, I have never up until becoming aware of you, I've never seen a single father's coach specifically in the parenting, parent coaching world. So I'm very excited. I think that it's a niche that probably often gets overlooked. I think.

One, I think it's rarer for people to be single dad. I mean, I guess if there are single moms, that means there are single dads. But I think typically what we see is moms bearing the brunt of single parenting. And so I'm really excited to share this side of things and for you to be able to speak to a piece of the audience that maybe has felt unrecognized so far. So.

Rob Rohde (01:18.609)
you

Rob Rohde (01:23.743)
Yeah, me too. And, you know, I appreciate you saying that because that's a big piece of why I've stepped into this space is because I really feel that it is. And it's a niche that has not really been served well up to this point in time. And, you know, as you said, there aren't a lot of people that identify themselves as a single father coach. And so I actually, so I started calling myself the single father coach because it is so rare, but, um,

Jennie (01:38.842)
Hmm.

Jennie (01:50.74)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (01:53.439)
You know, there's absolutely a group of society, single fathers who I feel are under recognized, not just from the standpoint of, of resources, but you know, also from the standpoint of, of understanding the journey that they've been on and really an awareness of, you know, the role that they have played and can play in their kids' lives. And, you know, I think that they're.

are many single fathers out there or that term single father can sometimes get a bad rap. And there are reasons for that for sure. But there are many, many, many men, I would say many more men who are eager to step into that role, but maybe aren't exactly sure how to go about it or the steps to take or, you know, some of the work that they need to do in their on themselves and in their own lives in order to be the best version.

of themselves for their kids. So again, I'm excited to talk about this.

Jennie (02:56.566)
I love that. I agree. I think that in my experience, I've witnessed so many men and dads who want to be a dad. They want to be a dad. They want to be an excellent, present, well -functioning, healthy parent. And what I see the most often is that one, they either didn't have

a great example of a dad growing up because things have changed generationally. And so they didn't get to witness the type of father they want to be now. And so they don't necessarily grow up with the tools or the know -how of how to step in and do those things. And I see a lot of like shame and guilt and...

confusion and I don't, you know, I want to do it, but I'm, I don't know how to do, am I going to do it wrong? Am I going to mess it up? I'm curious if you've, if you witnessed that as well, I see a lot of like, I want like the, the, the, the want and the motivation and the inspiration and the desire and the heart is all there. It's the know -how that's missing.

Rob Rohde (04:17.503)
Yes, I do in fact see that all the time. And I not only see that in other men, but that was my story as well, you know, and that was a piece of my journey as well. And, you know, you talked about the role models that we have growing up and, you know, I think you put it, you put it really well in that it's not that we didn't have men for a lot of us. It's not that we didn't have men in our life that...

loved us and cared about us and we're trying to do well by us and do good by us, but society has changed. And, you know, the, the version of a father that I grew up with while I love the man to death, I didn't want to be that version. You know, I wanted to be more open -minded. You know, I wanted to be a little bit more.

Jennie (04:46.1)
Mm -hmm.

Rob Rohde (05:12.427)
willing to step into non, what would previously been non -traditional male roles within the family. Things like helping more around the house, like setting up my wife at the time when I was married, you know, to be able to have some time to herself and to be able to, you know, stepping into the role of taking the kids and just disappearing for the day or...

You know, when our, when our children were young, taking our infant downstairs with me and just sleeping with her downstairs. So my wife could have a night to herself and to get maybe a better night's sleep. And so, you know, I, I got a fair amount of ridicule from my father for, for some of those behaviors, but you know, I, I don't view it as anything other than him.

Jennie (05:52.374)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (06:07.345)
wanting me, him kind of feeling bad and wanting me to make sure that I was taking care of myself and just having a different perspective, coming at it from a different lens basically. But I did grow up with that and I did grow up with...

Jennie (06:15.316)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (06:24.159)
in not being very popular for a young, sensitive boy like myself to show their emotions. And it was definitely was not celebrated. And in fact, it was pushed down. And, you know, I did grow up feeling like in that regard, my father at times wasn't embarrassed by my emotions that I would have and embarrassed by.

Jennie (06:40.98)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (06:52.735)
The way that I would express that, but you know, I was a, I was a child. I was eight, nine, 10 years old at the time. I didn't really learn anything different. Um, and so I was just a very sensitive kid and, and, but over time, you know, after hearing, you know, some of those words over and over again, it did affect the way that I entered into adulthood and it did affect. You know, as, as recent as, you know, these last.

Jennie (07:17.334)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (07:23.039)
couple of years even, it did reach a point where I was still having to, I was still dealing with some of the fallout from that or some of the consequences of that. And, you know, I'm a grown man and I haven't blamed my father for, for where I'm at in so long, but I, I do recognize the impact that certain things have had on my life. And, you know, that was one of the, one of the areas that I knew I needed to address.

Jennie (07:42.102)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (07:50.111)
Um, because I had reached a point where I would really just kind of push my feelings aside. Um, but to also be fully fair to the man who raised me, um, he taught me so many good things as well. You know, he was a loyal husband to my mom. He would always, he would treat her like a queen. He did not let anybody disrespect her in any way. He worked hard and he taught me that work ethic and he loved his family.

Jennie (08:03.796)
Yeah.

Jennie (08:17.078)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (08:19.903)
You know, family came first to him and those are some characteristics that I have taken with me and that's a part of who I am today and I am thankful that I learned those lessons from him.

Jennie (08:20.648)
Yeah.

Jennie (08:32.726)
Yeah, that's beautiful. I think it's so important to acknowledge that our parents are also just human beings who are imperfect, just like us, just like everybody. And that just because they had a weakness in one area or didn't know any better, you know, doesn't mean that they weren't a wonderful parent. They weren't a loving parent and that they didn't teach us so many other things along the way.

Um, and that there was, I think that there's sometimes there's a piece of our journey that's meant to be difficult so that we have to figure it out on our own sometimes. Um, cause that's where growth happens, right? If you're just, if you're just given a perfect world from birth,

Like how do you grow as a person? If you just know, you know, you have perfect parents and you have the perfect environment and you're always treated perfectly. It's, it, it's a little too easy and you don't really become, you don't, you don't learn resilience and you don't learn how to overcome things and you don't learn, um, where your strengths really are, how strong you can be.

Rob Rohde (09:42.655)
That's so true.

Jennie (09:56.726)
And that's not to say that we should emotionally torture our children at all because it'll make them stronger people. That's the opposite of the point of this podcast. But I do think, you know, you said I haven't blamed my dad in many years for who I am, who I've chosen to be. And I think that's just really important for people to hear because it is for many, many years into adulthood, I blamed my parents and...

and for any, you know, past wounds and hurts. And this is why I am the way I am and it's their fault versus taking, you know, the reins of my own life and being like, I don't have to be like that.

Rob Rohde (10:42.509)
Yeah, and I appreciate you sharing.

Jennie (10:44.374)
Yeah. So what, so what brought, that's a good.

Rob Rohde (10:50.431)
I apologize for interrupting. I appreciate you sharing that story. And I think that that's especially important for men. I mean, that's a big piece of transitioning from being a boy to being a man is the willingness to accept responsibility for your actions and the willingness to take ownership. And I think that offering our parents grace becomes much easier once we become parents.

Jennie (10:51.828)
No, it's okay.

Jennie (11:04.692)
Mm -hmm.

Jennie (11:20.098)
Mm -hmm.

Rob Rohde (11:20.401)
You know, once we start to recognize mistakes that we have made, I'm speaking for myself, mistakes that I have made, you know, as I've been going through this journey with my kids. But in terms of ownership and responsibility, I just wanted to kind of emphasize that because that is one of the biggest obstacles.

Jennie (11:25.11)
Mm -hmm.

Rob Rohde (11:44.447)
that gets in the way of fathers and single fathers being able to have the life that they want to have. It's just so easy to step into this place of, of blaming and making excuses. And there probably are legitimate reasons why, you know, legitimate things to be upset about. And that's, I'm not dismissing that. I'm not trying to make light of that, but the thing is,

Jennie (12:09.462)
Uh huh.

Rob Rohde (12:14.047)
What are we going to do moving forward? Because if we live in those, if we allow those excuses to kind of pardon the bad phrase here, but if we allow our excuses to excuse us from moving forward, then we are, we are not raising our kids the way that we need to. We are not shmoddling the examples that we want them to follow. And it just can get in our way. And I think for single fathers,

Jennie (12:16.758)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (12:43.455)
the ability to take ownership of their life and a willingness to address their mindset and those negative voices that are in their heads. I think those are the two biggest obstacles that can get in our way. And again, I'm speaking not just as somebody who works for single fathers, but as somebody who lived this journey and experiences myself.

Jennie (12:55.06)
Hmm.

Jennie (13:10.646)
Yeah. On your website, I think the verbiage that you use is radical responsibility. The word, I think is radical. And just like the deepest, you know, like taking 100 % responsibility for yourself, your choices, your actions, and who you are and how you show up in the world.

and recognizing how your actions and choices affect other people. And of course, in this situation, specifically your children. And it doesn't matter what happened back then. You don't live there anymore, you're here. And being able to fully own your choices and your healing and who you're going to be and how you're going to parent is...

in my opinion, the biggest first step that you have to take for any parent, but of course, single dads as well. Because if you can't do that, then you're gonna continue to find someone to blame. And I guarantee it's gonna come out at your kids.

Rob Rohde (14:31.391)
Absolutely. That is so true. And, you know, I think that there's, there's three steps that I really believe is, you know, are the, that will provide us with that path as, as parents, but really as single parents, as single fathers. And, you know, you, you touched on, you touched on kind of two of them right off the bat. And one of them is ownership, you know, kind of that, as you said, taking radical responsibility or extreme ownership or total ownership.

And I believe that that extends, that goes so much deeper than what we tend to think of it. To me, that means taking ownership of our past, our present, and our future. And it's taking responsibility for our mistakes. And there is a, another big piece of this journey that can make a huge impact in our relationships and in our connections with our kids and with our.

in our co -parenting relationships. And that is the ability to make amends for the mistakes that we've made. And I think that that is hard for anyone to do, but that is especially hard for an ex -spouse to do with their person that they ended their relationship with. And it's also very hard for most parents to do with their children. And it somehow is almost viewed as a sign of weakness or of diminishing their authority.

Jennie (15:47.606)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (16:00.479)
But I can't tell you how that has played a huge role in my growth as a, as a person, but also in the growth and the connection of my relationships with my daughters and the ability to, to move forward in my relationships in a productive way with my, my ex -wife at the time.

Jennie (16:19.862)
Yeah, that's huge. And that's something that I teach in relational parenting because part of any healthy relationship is the ability to make amends and repair. But it only works if it comes from both sides. And your kids learn through modeling. They don't learn because you demand that they apologize. They learn because they watch you apologize or make amends with them when you mess up or when you...

yell or when you do things. And of course, there's some coaching that goes into teaching children how to make repair. But the primary way that kids learn is by watching you.

Rob Rohde (17:04.063)
They do, for sure. They... You know, it's hard for us to swallow, and I don't mean to dismiss the words that we say, but our kids really care very little about what we say, and they care much more about what we do and what they see us do. That doesn't mean words can't be hurtful or encouraging. There's both sides of that. But it just means that our words are hollow if they're not followed up with action. And so they need to see us living the life that...

Jennie (17:15.19)
Mm -hmm.

Jennie (17:29.558)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (17:33.351)
that we want them to live. And so if we want our kids to act in a way where they are, you know, apologizing for their mistakes or where they are stepping into difficult things or where they are learning from the times that they've fallen short or whatever that might be, they're going to learn how to do that by watching us do that.

and by our willingness to talk through those situations and have those conversations with our kids. So I think you said that perfectly.

Jennie (18:05.142)
Yes.

Yes. So you have 25 years of experience in pediatric healthcare as your background. And then you also have a master's in management and leadership. Tell me more about that history and how you went from that to deciding to be a coach for single dads.

Rob Rohde (18:35.071)
Sure. So my, you know, my journey in healthcare is, was, you know, it's 25 years is kind of a long one. So I'll just kind of hit the highlights, but essentially I, I've worked in, at children's hospitals for essentially my entire career or I had for my entire career in healthcare. And I had a job that I was comfortable with that was very secure.

that I was proud to tell people that I worked for this organization and I worked with this patient population. And I had great opportunities. I was able to work. I spent work in a variety of roles and specialty roles. I spent over eight years on the flight team for the local children's hospital. And I spent time in leadership within that team. And then I spent time.

doing some other specialized roles that might not be as familiar to people. And I was in positions of leadership and I spent a total of about six years combined in leadership within the flight team and within the respiratory department. And I learned a lot in those roles and I loved them. I mean, loved the job. I loved the people that I worked with. I felt like I was making a difference in the lives of.

Not only patients, but families. And then as I entered into leadership, into the lives of other leaders, and that was amazing. But over time, I started to feel less and less fulfilled, less and less challenged and less and less like that was what I wanted to be kind of my final act. And so I started just kind of pursuing some other things. And I was especially drawn to the leadership side of.

of healthcare. And so I should actually probably go back a little further and just kind of share a story because it kind of talks about everything that we've talked up to about up to this point and also shares how he ended up where I am right now. And, you know, when I became a single father, it was very difficult for me, even though I was very involved in my kid's life before that.

Rob Rohde (20:55.455)
I had this kind of overwhelming sense of responsibility. And I also had these feelings that just kind of sat with me. I struggled with decisions that I had made, mistakes that I had made that kind of led to that point. And you touched on this earlier, but I had these feelings of shame. I had these feelings of regret. I was making a lot of I am statements, things along the lines of I am a.

Jennie (21:15.988)
Hmm.

Rob Rohde (21:25.311)
horrible dad, I am an awful person and these, this became my identity. And then I started to have these beliefs where I started to believe maybe my kids would be better off if I wasn't in their life as much, or maybe I'm not a great influence on them, or maybe I'm not capable of, you know, raising them on my own, you know, during that time. And I,

Jennie (21:28.854)
Hmm.

Rob Rohde (21:52.223)
There's this moment, it's a story I've shared on my podcast, but there's this moment where I was in the car on the way to pick up my daughters for their parenting time with me. And I was thinking through all these thoughts. And, you know, as I pulled into the driveway though, I did feel optimistic because I, I told myself, you know what? It's time to do things differently. You know, this time today.

I'm going to treat this so much different. I am going to be patient. I'm going to put their needs first. I'm going to set aside work and just focus on them. I'm going to be less angry. But I pulled into the driveway and then the girl's mom walked out alone and told me that my oldest daughters didn't want to come over to my house. And that was really hard for me.

Jennie (22:46.12)
Ugh.

Yeah.

Rob Rohde (22:49.375)
You know, they were teenagers at the time. They were twins. My oldest daughters at the time were teenagers and I had made mistakes. I had hurt them. They blamed me for the divorce and they had a right to have the anger that they had. I don't want to dismiss them from that, but still I was trying. And in that moment when they did not come out,

Jennie (22:59.222)
Yeah.

Jennie (23:04.854)
Hmm.

Jennie (23:09.622)
Mm.

Rob Rohde (23:17.727)
I felt all of these feelings again, you know, all of those negative feelings again. And I felt like a failure because my own daughters didn't want to hang out with me. And, you know, I drove away and like almost all of us as men, the feelings of sadness and regret and shame or whatever that might be quickly transitions into anger and it transitions into.

Jennie (23:20.918)
Yeah.

Jennie (23:43.35)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (23:45.215)
making excuses and blaming others. And, you know, and that was my journey of not taking responsibility. You know, I started blaming my ex -wife for what I viewed as maybe saying negative things about me. These are just the thoughts that were in my head, but, you know, I was blaming my job and blaming my daughters and blaming everybody for the roles that they kind of played in this. Everyone except for myself during that time. And I kind of sat there for a while and the

Jennie (23:52.44)
Yeah. Yeah.

Rob Rohde (24:15.007)
over a couple of month period, I kind of sat there, but I started to change from the standpoint that I knew that I had played a role and I didn't, I knew that I wanted it to be different. I knew that I wanted to be a better father, but I wasn't exactly sure how to get there. And.

I was sitting in this place for a while and I was alone in my house in the room and I was listening to a podcast, ironically, but the words that I heard on that podcast were this. It was a leadership podcast and the host shared the story about himself who had fallen short on a goal. So this had nothing to do with parenting, nothing to do with my specific situation, but the words were how has your leadership contributed to this result?

And those words hit me. And I remember being in my room and kind of turning towards the mirror and kind of talking to myself and ask rephrasing that and immediately thinking of my girls. And I asked myself, how has your parenting contributed to this fractured relationship, to this result? And it just kind of hit me in a different way. And even though I, by that point, you know, I knew that I had made mistakes. I knew that I had contributed.

It just kind of shifted my mentality and it shifted me from this place of being a victim where everything around me, all of the circumstances that were happening to me, I had no control over. It was all happening to me. It kind of shifted my mindset from that place to a place of taking responsibility and beginning to take ownership and ownership of the things that I can control.

I couldn't control whether or not my daughters wanted to come over to my house, but I could control how I responded to them. I couldn't control whether or not my ex -wife communicated respectfully to me, but I could guarantee that I treated her in a respectful way. And I couldn't control, you know, all these other circumstances that were happening in my life, but I could control what I put into my body, what I put into my mind.

Rob Rohde (26:33.983)
and the growth that I chose to take from that point forward. And so I started learning everything I could possibly learn about parenting and about leadership. And I was learning everything I could about finances and time management and personal development. And during that process, I really, in a different way, saw this connection and this relationship that existed between business,

and family between leading a team or leading an organization and leading your family. And I started to kind of put these pieces together and I didn't realize it at the time, but that was kind of the beginning of the methodology that I use in working with other men. And so I went back to school and I got my degree in management and leadership and I.

Jennie (27:10.882)
Mm -hmm.

Rob Rohde (27:31.575)
continue to work on myself and you know, that was kind of the journey that led me to where I am at. And so I have built essentially this methodology that is focused on nurturing the mindset of these single men and helping them work through those voices in their head and using what I refer to as common and proven leadership and business principles.

and applying them to basically up level your family life. And it doesn't have to be business. It doesn't have to be leadership. But the idea is these are things that we already know. These are things that a lot of these men have already learned. And so, you know, whenever possible, make it simple, right? And so if they already have this knowledge, you know, a lot of us have never really looked at how can we take that knowledge and use it within our family lives.

And so that's kind of the angle I take and that's kind of the unique way that I go about working with men. And it's been an exciting journey and there's definitely more to the story, but those are kind of the key pieces that have brought me to where I am.

Jennie (28:47.51)
I think I went out, you know, when I first knew about you and we were talking about you being on the podcast and I went and looked you up, I was just blown away by the way that you did combine this, this or translate, you've translated business and leadership skills into how to be a great parent. And,

it's so key because it is. You don't have any leadership skills. How are you going to lead your family? And I think especially for men, I think that's a language that men speak. I think for women, not always, nothing's black and white.

But for women, it's about like the nurturing and we've got some, you know, instincts that men don't necessarily have and, um, and things like that. And, and we tend to do more of like the emotional, um, work and, and don't get me wrong. I've, I've taken everything I've learned about business. Um, everything, you know, I used, I remember telling my best friend, um, when I was planning my wedding, I was like, I feel like.

I'm all of a sudden a CEO of this, of this business of creating a wedding event. Um, and I'm delegating, you know, to my closest friends and family, which just feels weird, but like, you know, people who are helping and I have to like plan and assign certain tasks to certain people's strengths. And, um, it was kind of, you know, it was on me to, to know my friends well, to know what they would enjoy or wouldn't enjoy or what they'd be good at.

good at before I asked them what to do if I wanted to have a successful party. But anyway, I think that it's genius the way that you've taken the language of business and leadership and applied it to fatherhood. Because I often, even with my own husband, we speak a different language most of the time. And I've had to

Jennie (31:12.054)
how to speak his language in order to make things in my brain make sense to him. And he's had to do the same thing. He's had to learn how to speak my language in order to take all the things in his head and make them make sense to me. And so when I saw this on your website that you would, I think you call, is it the business of being dad? Yeah.

Rob Rohde (31:41.215)
That's correct, yes.

Jennie (31:42.382)
Is that the name of your podcast? Am I remembering that correctly? Okay.

Rob Rohde (31:46.335)
It, you are correct. Yeah. It is called the business of being dad. And it's also kind of the doing business as, you know, for my, my personal business as well. So yeah.

Jennie (31:59.094)
Yeah. Yeah. And I just think it's genius. And I think it's a fantastic way to, at least my husband really resonates with metaphors. And when he can take something, he's an army veteran, he's a retired army veteran. And so when I can take a metaphor of something I know he learned in the army and apply it to whatever I'm feeling or something that needs to happen in the house,

or operationally, like he, it like, it just clicks for him instantly. If I can speak to something he already knows, to something he's already learned conceptually and translate it to like how that applies to our life as a family, as husband and wife. Yeah, so I just, I'm, I think it's genius what you've done with that.

Rob Rohde (32:53.343)
Thank you. I appreciate that. And, you know, I will say that when I first went down this road, a piece of one of my concerns was that people would hear this and they think, well, yeah, but I mean, being a father is so much more than just, it's not like a business. It's not like you just, you know, are doing all these systems and workflows and stuff, but.

You know, I would challenge people to view leadership in a different way because I, I mean, that is anyone who knows me knows that the basis of my effectiveness as a parent and when I was in leadership roles outside of my own business was my ability to connect with people. And I think that the ability to engage those in your family, as well as those in your team.

is extremely important. The ability to look for ways of connecting with individuals on your team, as well as individuals in your family is huge. And, you know, within a an organization, your team members or your employees, they want to be heard. They want to have a voice. They want to be recognized. They want to be included in some of the decision making. They want to, you know,

Jennie (33:56.822)
Mm -hmm.

Rob Rohde (34:18.111)
I could go on and on, but there are so many correlations. And one of the bigger, kind of the bigger pieces that I teach or that I speak to that kind of catches people off guard is I talk in terms of culture. And, you know, culture of an organization is huge. It is the, the health of an organization can be seen in its culture.

Jennie (34:19.582)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Jennie (34:28.886)
Oh.

Jennie (34:41.11)
Yep.

Rob Rohde (34:45.151)
And I firmly believe that that is true within our families as well. And I teach and I believe that we can create intentionally, go through the process of intentionally creating a family culture and creating a family culture that allows our kids to feel safe and to feel heard and to feel that they are a part of something and to, and that will, that will last with them for a period of time or over time.

Jennie (35:09.206)
Okay.

Rob Rohde (35:15.327)
And, you know, my, my kids at this point are quite a bit older. So my, my kids are ages 14 to 28 at this point. So those twins I talked about earlier are now 28, but once your kids reach a certain age, they don't have to come over to dad's house anymore. Right. They don't have to show up for family dinners. They can choose to or choose not to. And so I think that some of these things that we can do.

that create this environment that allows people to feel comfortable and safe and secure is so huge. Yes, it is important to teach our kids and to instruct them and to instill values and to help them find their own values. Yes, it is important to provide for them and protect them. But that connection piece, that's what keeps them coming back when they don't have to. That's what once puts them in a position where they want to.

spend time in that house or they want to spend time with the family. So that's a huge piece of what I talk about as well. So it definitely has a personal side to it.

Jennie (36:24.278)
Definitely. I think, you know, while you were talking, a couple of my favorite managers in past jobs popped into my head and they were my favorite because they didn't just, I think there's a lot of managers who I would just see if I was messing up or if I was doing something wrong and they needed to correct it.

I didn't see them or hear from them or talk to them unless I was in trouble, right? And my two favorite managers that I really respected and looked up to and really learned a lot from were the type of managers that you're talking about. They would check in on me and ask me how my weekend was. They knew my interests and when my birthday came around, it like,

you know, one office, the office party was very specific to like things I liked. It wasn't just a generic office party or, uh, you know, we would have weekly check -ins where we not only talked about the things that I was working on, but she, you know, they would also check in on how I was doing or, uh, you know, things like that. And so I did, I felt seen and I felt heard and I felt valued and respected.

not just as an employee, but as a human being. And I think that a lot of that has shaped the methodology, my methodology for relational parenting in that there's, you know, to know your children individually, because your kids, every one of your kids is coming out with their own personality, their own needs, their own sensitivities, their own...

strengths and weaknesses and find just like within an organization, you don't assign someone whose strength is communication to a dark corner of the office. You assign them to being the face of the company and talking and sales and whatever. And your children are each going to have their own individual interests and strengths and

Jennie (38:48.758)
and working your family like a team where each person's contribution is different but equally important, valuing each individual child and parent and instilling that in them and appreciating them. And it's like, you can choose. There's just, yeah, there's so many scenarios popping into my head right now. I can't even pick one, but.

Um, we've, I've talked about that before, um, in earlier episodes about creating a team environment within your home. Um, and I love that you use the word culture as well, creating a culture inside of your home of, of acceptance and understanding and teamwork and healthy leadership. And I do, I think there's a lot of crossover.

Yeah, in the business world, from the business world to home.

Rob Rohde (39:46.079)
Yeah, there definitely is. And, you know, from a parenting perspective, it all starts with connection to me. When you are, when you build that connection, then all of the other things that you want to do become easier. Right? It's kind of like what I would view as the lead domino. It's the one thing that if you can really dial in your ability to connect, as you said, with each person as an individual.

Jennie (39:55.862)
Yes.

Rob Rohde (40:16.137)
by tailoring your approach to them and considering their personality, their love language, the things that make them excited, the stresses that they have in their life. If you can learn how to connect with them and to study each of your kids on such a deep level where you can understand their body cues and their unspoken words and their habits, the habits that let you know when they're in a good mood, when they're stressed about something, things like that.

Jennie (40:44.758)
Hmm.

Rob Rohde (40:45.119)
then everything else becomes so much easier. And you, you, it's much easier to then establish boundaries and to, to establish curfews and to, you know, kind of have these difficult conversations because you've built that foundation that starts with connection.

Jennie (41:04.47)
I love that. I love it. We have so much, we have, our philosophies have so much in common.

Jennie (41:15.542)
I'm curious, let's see.

I've actually kind of answered all of the questions I had written down for you.

Um...

Jennie (41:30.55)
Ta -da!

Rob Rohde (41:31.283)
You know, one thing that I would like to just kind of mention, because, you know, you talked about the taking the leadership ideas and the business principles and applying them to your family life and speaking in a language that a lot of men can kind of relate to a lot of people that are in that, in those arenas of jobs, whether they're men or women could probably relate to that.

Jennie (41:38.006)
Absolutely.

Rob Rohde (41:56.511)
You know, I, I could just talk a little bit more about what that looks like outside of the connection piece. You know, I mean, I think that there's just so many things. So I like to kind of give the example of how we choose to use our time and what we choose to dedicate our resources towards. So for instance, if we have something within our career, within our job, where we have a big project, we have a big task, we have a big goal, you know, how do we treat that?

Jennie (42:05.878)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (42:26.335)
What do we do with that? We've determined that this is important to us and that our success or the success of our team is going to be impacted by achieving this goal. So we block off time on our calendar to make sure that we're focused on it. We draw in other resources to help us with that.

Jennie (42:45.718)
Mm -hmm.

Rob Rohde (42:51.487)
We, if we don't have the knowledge or the skills we need, then we will either learn those so that we can complete this task or we will ask people for help to provide us with that guidance, to coach us, to lead us, to help us. And I think that that is, if I think that that is so important and what would happen to our families, what impact would that make on our family lives? If we took that same level of intentionality.

and purpose and chose to use that in order to build up our families. If I have something that's important to me and I sit there and I say, you know what, I'm struggling in this relationship with my daughters. So what am I going to do about that? I'm going to have to start creating certain habits in order to address that. I'm going to start having to do things differently. I need to start dedicating resources.

to help me with this and I might need to talk with somebody to help me process certain things so that I can communicate with them the way that I want to and I can make a difference in their lives the way that I want to. And so, you know, as you said, there's countless ways that this can be implemented, but I think that there is a high level of effectiveness with being intentional in whatever we do in our lives.

Jennie (44:16.534)
Yes.

Rob Rohde (44:18.303)
But I think these ideas, these business principles, it kind of gives us this ability to take the knowledge we already have and just tweak it a little bit. And it makes it easier, it makes it quicker, and allows us to make impact in a way that feels right and comfortable to us.

Jennie (44:38.71)
I think you're absolutely right. I think that in my, I mean, in my own life, the, the dis and you had mentioned, you know, you, this, this podcast, you know, this line in this podcast just like smacked you in the face one day. Um, and I've had moments like that as well, where you're just like, like, it's just a perspective changing. You're just like, Oh, and then you start moving differently in the world.

and you start making those more intentional decisions and choices. And you do, you seek knowledge and education and training and or someone to talk to, you know, a therapist, a coach. And you read all, you know, you read the books, you start learning about this topic that you felt helpless in before.

And you really take the reins and start making it happen. And, you know, that's really almost a requirement in order to have a healthy functioning family. You've got to have parents who can take the reins and learn the things that they don't know and, you know, know their strengths, know their weaknesses, um, and know how to pursue the filling in of those gaps.

or outsourcing the filling in of those gaps. And I, you know, just as an example, my husband and I, we were, we used to argue about our schedules and our appointments getting, you know, flip -flopped, him not knowing, you know, what I was doing, when our appointments were, things like that.

You know, the finances, when we combined finances, it became clear that we needed a scheduled appointment on the calendar for us to sit down and go over these things. And at first it does, it feels very, it feels very like structured business -y kind of, you know, but you are, you're running a household and the structure of a household is very similar to a business.

Jennie (47:02.582)
and that you have financial decisions to make. You have strategic decisions to make. You have the health of your family and your children to look at, you know, regularly and make sure everyone's getting to the right doctor's appointments and, you know, getting to different sports practices or, you know, whatever. And there's a major coordination piece. And so we now, you know, we have our family calendar up on the fridge where everybody can see it.

And everybody knows what's coming up. Everybody knows where, where the appointments are. And, and my husband and I are, we have a Saturday morning chunk of time blocked off every week that we sit down and we go through everything. We go through our finances, we go through, um, our schedules for the following week. We, you know, and we coordinate and make sure, you know, this, this,

dog is getting to this appointment and this and I'm getting to there right now. Seven months pregnant. And so we have lots of appointments that it's like, you know, we're going to together and all kinds of things. And I think, I don't know, I think a lot of people enter into family, just thinking. Like we love each other and we'll figure it out as we go. And, and there's a piece of that, but there's also like structure putting a structure.

and systems in place really takes a lot of stress out of family life, having that piece in there as well. And yeah, I'm also curious about...

Jennie (48:50.07)
going from having your oldest daughters not wanting to come over to your house, they were angry from the divorce, things like that. I'm curious what steps you took. You know, you heard the podcasts, you started making changes and learning and shifting your relationships with them. I'm curious if you had like a specific conversation with them where you...

Were you repaired or let them know, I know I've messed this up or I know I've done this and I'm trying to be better? Or was it more of like an organic over time, you just shifted your behavior and eventually they kind of came around to feeling more safe? I'm curious how that went, how you approached that with them.

Rob Rohde (49:37.759)
Yeah, so I mean, I think that I should start by sharing this and that is the fact that this is still an ongoing process, even though this has been many years. But we are in such a good place now compared to where we were at that point. And what I had to commit to, what I told myself and what I understood is that I needed to be willing to play the long game. And I think that often,

Jennie (49:47.598)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (50:07.327)
often we want things to happen so quickly. And, you know, I, what I chose to do is I chose to continue to invite them over. I chose to continue to reach out to them. I looked for opportunities to, you know, maybe send something home with their other sisters or to.

you know, shoot them a text or put a card in the mail or something so that they knew that I was still thinking about them. And I made it really clear that I still wanted to be in their life, that I wasn't going away, and that, but at the same time, gave them space to kind of work through their own things as well. And...

You know, I think that there are some pieces, there's layers to this, there's layers to any time a relationship is fractured and you have to work through it. One of the pieces of that was I did have to apologize for the mistakes that I made. And I didn't try to set up some big, you know, kind of formal situation. I allowed that to happen as they started to kind of come back over. But...

Here's the thing is that I had to be willing to continue to invite them over and continue to reach out to them, to continue treating them in a loving manner, regardless of the response that I got. And that was a big piece of it because the response I got was crickets at the beginning, or maybe a...

we'd have something set up for them to come over for a dinner and maybe they'd cancel or whatever that might look like. But I kept trying. I gave myself time to, you know, kind of get through it and then I would reach back out. Just a little bit of self preservation, but I kept reaching out. And then once they did start coming over just for like a dinner or maybe like a birthday for them or one of their sisters, I made a commitment to not...

Rob Rohde (52:19.423)
to give them advice, to not try to fix what I viewed as mistakes or problems or whatever. So I committed myself to simply just listen to them and try to understand them. And I did that for a long period of time. And that's really hard for anyone to do, for a parent to do. It's especially hard for a man to do. We do not, we do not.

Jennie (52:42.934)
Mm -hmm.

Jennie (52:48.406)
Huh.

Rob Rohde (52:48.799)
That process of just listening and not trying to fix does not come naturally to us. And, you know, as a father, probably even more so, but I committed to that and something kind of amazing happened during that process. What happened was I got to know them better. I actually got to know them on a deeper level. I started to understand the things that were important to them.

Jennie (52:52.98)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Rob Rohde (53:17.695)
I started to understand how they, you know, how they thought through things, how they would process things, the things that were bothering them. And that was kind of an unintended consequence of just choosing not to try to fix things, but it was super valuable. And I still am, I still at times will try to use that today. Just when I noticed myself falling back into that trap of.

Well, sure you just need to do the a B and C and then it'll all be fixed, you know I have to catch myself and be like wait a minute Rob They don't need this from you. First of all, they're adults and second of all, they just don't want that You know, they just want somebody to listen most of the time so that was kind of the choice I made and when I started to recognize that things were improving Was when they started asking me for my opinion on things or started asking me for my advice?

Jennie (53:46.806)
Mm -hmm.

Rob Rohde (54:12.383)
And, you know, that was, those were some big moments where I started to feel like, oh, wait a minute, maybe this is working. Maybe I'm starting to make an impact. But it was still a slow process even after that. Um, you know, it wasn't like we had this one moment and I had apologized for mistakes I made. And then maybe a couple months later, they asked me for my opinion on something and then everything was perfect after that. That's not life. That's not how it played out.

Jennie (54:25.588)
Yeah.

Rob Rohde (54:42.143)
but we started heading in the right direction at that point.

And you know, they are amazing girls. They are amazing young ladies now. And I don't know that I would have ever fully recognized that had I not had we not gone through this. And so I, you know, I always try to look at the benefit that comes from from our life experiences. And that was one benefit that I had was that I got to learn about them in such a deep, deeper level. And our relationship now is better than it's ever been.

I'm still working on it. I still want to, I still would love to be closer with them than I currently am. But I mean, when I invite them over, they come over, they will shoot me a text from time to time. We swear in communication with each other. They live within, you know, half hour of, of me. And so we see each other often. Um, but, you know, I'm excited for where we're at, but I always want more.

Jennie (55:42.774)
Yeah, that's beautiful though. And I think that's such an important reminder to anyone who's trying to repair with their kids in any situation that it's not an overnight thing. It's not like you can just apologize once and then everything will go back to being fine. There's a process of reestablishing trust and safety.

over time and you the parent proving that you've actually made changes that you've actually That you're actually doing things differently not just for a day or a week or a couple of months but for the long haul and And yeah that moment that moment when they they say what do you think or what do you think I should do or I need your help? Oh That's like a heart -bursting moment when you're like, oh my gosh, okay?

I'm doing something right. They trust me enough that they want to, you know, they respect me enough and trust me enough to want to my advice. That's huge. Yeah.

Rob Rohde (56:54.559)
Yeah, for sure.

Jennie (56:57.366)
Is there anything, Rob, that we haven't touched on that you wanted to share today?

Rob Rohde (57:03.871)
You know, there is one thing, sorry, there is one thing that I do like to kind of share. And I think that this is specifically important for, for fathers or busy working parents. And, you know, I think that in the world today, there is this common phrase where people will say, you know what, it is so important that we spend that you give quality time and you spend quality time with somebody. And I agree fully. I do agree.

But I think that we underestimate the value of the amount of time we spend with people. And I think that I just like to emphasize that, especially for the single parent population, I recognize that a lot of single parents, especially single fathers, but I'll just say all single parents might be fighting for every minute that they get with their kids. And I get that. I'm not trying to be dismissive of that.

But what I'm saying is this, we can't fabricate a quality moment. We can't simply mark it on the calendar and say, I'm going to do this and a quality moment will take place. Or I'm going to take my daughter out to dinner and she's going to tell me all about the struggles in her life and her friendships and all of her dreams and aspirations. Those moments come by us simply being present.

And we underestimate the value and the importance of being present with our kids. And I think that we should really make an effort to impact that or to focus on that. Because here's how it has played out in my life. And I think this is probably true for most. Just simply being around these moments come when I least expect it. Just by simply putting my daughters in a situation where they know I'm there.

Jennie (58:47.702)
you

Jennie (58:55.06)
Mm -hmm.

Rob Rohde (58:59.167)
and they feel safe and secure around me. That's when that moment comes where my older daughter who I'm struggling with will ask me for my opinion on something. You know, that's where that moment comes where my 18 year old daughter will sit there and share some, some struggles she's having and some friendships or some anxiety she's feeling about the future decisions she's trying to make. That's when my 14 year old daughter will share, will share some, some of the

negative things that these kids at school have said to her and how that's affecting her in her life. I wouldn't ever hear those during this half hour dinner or you know this half hour meeting or this hour and a half dinner but I hear those because over time it comes out and so we need to prioritize a large amount of we need to prioritize the quantity of time we spend with our kids so that these quality moments have a chance to come out.

Jennie (59:37.814)
Yeah.

Jennie (59:56.822)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think, and like you said, you can't plan for it, but setting up the environment to allow for it. I imagine the moments that they've had those comfort, those realizations, those questions, those revelations about their anxiety or their internal world.

are, have been in moments where they've felt your presence, where they felt that you're fully engaged and focused and open to them. Not trying to like answer work emails while they're sitting on the couch with you, not, not, you know, focused on anything other than just being there with them. That's when, that's when kids and most people feel safe and able, like it's like, Oh, I can feel your energy.

And so I feel safe entering this space of talking about something that's difficult for me.

Rob Rohde (01:00:59.409)
Absolutely. And that is a great point to make. You know, they, it's those moments where they can sense that we're kind of distraction free and we're truly with them in that moment for sure. And to be fair, I think that's what a lot of people mean when they talk about quality time. And so I do recognize that and I appreciate that. But let's just not lose sight of the amount of time we're there as well.

Jennie (01:01:07.796)
Mm -hmm.

Jennie (01:01:23.894)
Yes, absolutely. Beautiful. Well, Rob, thank you so much for being here today. Can you share where everybody can find you? We'll link all of your stuff in the show notes as well. But what services do you offer and where can people find you?

Rob Rohde (01:01:42.655)
Yeah, thank you for asking. So again, I am Rob Rody, the single father coach, and I currently offer one -on -one coaching to single dads. That is the majority of the population that I deal with because that's where my passion lies. I mean, I feel like these concepts apply to all parents and all fathers, but...

I have a special, I feel like connection with single fathers and I really am dedicating my life, my mission to being able to step into their world and work with them on their challenges. So I currently offer one -on -one coaching, but I am moving towards offering group coaching in the fall. And so that is the direction that I am heading because I do also believe the community is such a huge part of a father's journey.

And so that will be on the horizon. The best place to find out more about me, to just see if you're, you're interested in what I have to say and the whole business of being dad idea is on my podcast called the business of being dad. It's on all the standard streaming platforms. And if you go there and you check it out within the show notes, there's links to my, to my website and to, to my email and occasionally I'll throw on some, some freebies as well. So.

Check it out. I would love for you to subscribe and listen and let me know what you think.

Jennie (01:03:10.44)
Awesome, beautiful. It was so wonderful getting to know you today and you shared so many golden nuggets with our audience. I can't imagine anyone's walking away with anything less than a few new tools in their belt.

Rob Rohde (01:03:25.247)
I appreciate it. It's been fun. Thank you for having me.

Jennie (01:03:29.782)
Thank you. All right, happy parenting and good luck out there everybody.